I was asked by my sister why I chose to remember today instead of the day I became cancer free (April 5th). I chose today because this is the day my life took a sharp left turn and changed forever. Two years ago February 28th started like any other day but it ended like no other. I guess remembering today reminds me that life can change in a blink of an eye.
My "Year of Fun" is over and now I am not so sure of my next move. ...maybe a new career, go back to school, write a book, I have an idea for a non-profit I would like to start, get more involved with volunteering, scrapbooks for the kids, learn to play the guitar, master yoga, bring world peace...... the list goes on and on.....
I often find myself feeling the pressure with my big to do list and all that goes with it. Pressure to keep finding new meaning in life, to be an inspiration, to be a better person and to live life to the absolute fullest. I got a second chance so I can't waste a minute!! It is a pressure I put on myself and sometimes it can be utterly exhausting.
I mean is it OK if I just want to hang out all day on facebook in my pajamas and maybe even gossip a little with friends? Because right now, today of all days, I struggle to find the words to write something really meaningful and profound to share. The truth is what I am really thinking about right now is what am I going to wear for my night out with Mr. Eckhoff, what am I going to feed the kids, laundry, Chaz's report card, Jacy's gymnastics, cleaning, errands.....the list goes on and on....
And it makes me smile. Today I have to remember I am here to do all of those little things too. I am here in my pajamas and for now orchestrating world peace will just have to wait. I am here to go out tonight with my husband to celebrate the fact that I am cancer free. And as much as I would like to think our conversation will be focused on the meaning of life and reflection it will most likely be focused on wondering if our kids are behaving for the sitter. I am here.
I can't help think that Today started like any other day and God willing, it will end just like any other day. (That is unless you want to change my life today with a lottery win Dear Lord, either way Lord, either way, I am good.)
