Creepy Eyed John and the Gang

We had gotten a fish tank right at the time I was diagnosed. To say I became obsessed with the fish in that tank is an understatement.

I would come downstairs every morning to check on them. My heart would be pounding, my palms would start to sweat and I would slowly look in the tank - ok, great - no floaters! I would come home from work and the first thing I would do is check them, ok lets be honest, I would check for floaters. It got to be so bad that finally Mr. Eckhoff took over the floater watch. I couldn't bring myself to do it anymore, I was overcome with anxiety checking on them.

One night the unthinkable happened. Mr. Eckhoff and my sweet son had to inform we lost the shark. I couldn't bear to look. I made them take him out, put him in a decorated jewelry box and tied it with a nice ribbon. They went outside to give him a proper burial at the spot where I made a nice memorial. They did this all while I sobbed upstairs. We eventually lost the other shark but Grandpa Crab ate him so I took some solace in knowing he lived on in others.

I know, I know...It's just fish, right??

Lately, I am finding myself overcome with anxiety about our fish again. We lost Grandpa Crab and I was devastated. We bought Creepy eyed John, Larry and Bob and I can't stop checking on them morning and night now.

So enough about the fish...My 6 month check-up is coming up in two weeks, September 12th. If they find cancer cells there aren't any other body parts to cut off and I will need chemo. I can't think about it too much or I feel my chest tighten up and I have trouble breathing. Is this what it will be like every six months when I make that journey into the doctor's office?

Well, I have to go and check on my fish again. They are doing well. Bob is finally coming out of his cave, Larry is leaving Bob alone and Creepy Eyed John, who I thought we would lose, looks like he is going to make it. He has to make it, he just does!