Lets get you all up to speed....
Found a lump in my right breast over a month ago. Researched the shit out of it online (for self diagnosis of course) and convince myself that it may be cancer. Called breast health doctor for that little appointment I may have skipped months ago. Stress, worry, crying, anxiety and then overly false positivity ensue. Beat myself up for all the indulging in unhealthy food and drink this summer and for skipping that little appointment.
Travel to Mayo and Dr. orders ultrasound. Young intern comes out to inform me it will be another day and a half before I will be able to have ultrasound. I proceed to let this moment be the moment that all of the above mentioned emotions bubble up and explode. Tell them to cancel ultrasound and walk off. (Although the way I said it might have been a bit lengthier than that.)
Meet with my Surgeon, who totally gets me and is a rock star. With my approval, she decides to go rogue and stick a large needle in my chest. I lay completely still so that the large needle in my chest does not puncture my implant. I can tell the nurse is a little uncomfortable and I can't look.
They did fat grafting during my last surgery and my surgeon thinks it may be dead fat cells that have clumped together....Yeah! But that relief is short lived, as days later I am called to return for further testing. A direct quote from my doctor..."We are not sure what this is yet, but whatever it is, it shouldn't be there."
They did fat grafting during my last surgery and my surgeon thinks it may be dead fat cells that have clumped together....Yeah! But that relief is short lived, as days later I am called to return for further testing. A direct quote from my doctor..."We are not sure what this is yet, but whatever it is, it shouldn't be there."
Which brings us to now. I just threw up. I just watched a video on CNN about a young mother who has terminal cancer and will leave her young children behind. I really need to pull my shit together and stop watching and reading all of these stories. I need this blog again because I am going to some very dark places. I need to stay positive because I start my tests Monday morning and they are talking possible surgery.
I just really need to get back to the place where I am laughing again. Kinda like when my good friend said. "I guess this is what happens when you put ass fat in your chest".
I just really need to get back to the place where I am laughing again. Kinda like when my good friend said. "I guess this is what happens when you put ass fat in your chest".
I just read this this morning "For God did not give you a spirit of fear, but of love and power and discipline." So keep that chin up (especially off of your assfat chest)
ReplyDeleteLove you friend.
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