I started my reconstruction and am on lots of meds so this might ramble... It was a tough road getting here again. Being my normal, rebellious self I didn't listen to anybody's advice and one day last week I sat on the Internet all day and watched every video on reconstruction... I watched medical videos and I watched video blogs of other women, where at the end they show you their battle wounds. Dont worry i have no intention of showing you quite yet. Although we have joked about a big reveal when all is said and done! It's just that I didnt remember much about being in the hospital last time. HELLO, DEFENSE MECHANISM!
I have been in the hospital for three nights. The first night was spent throwing up and heaving all night, sending my chest into unbelievable pain. Then we started having issues with my blood pressure being too low. I would have episodes where I couldn't lift my head or even open my eyes and it would feel like my whole body was riding a roller coaster.
I am told I will be released today on the condition that I eat something and actually hold it down and that we stay in Rochester for another night or two.
What I have learned this go around.
I will need to carry a medical card because when all is said (after 2-3 more surgeries) I will set off all airport security. I don't think many people realize that reconstruction is way more complicated than just throwing in some implants.
I truly like male nurses, and not just the hunky ones. I have had two different ones here and they rock. They aren't syrupy and are super fast in checking vitals when every little movement can set off severe nausea. They don't want to know your dogs name and keep chatter to what's important. They dont continually ask my number on the pain scale because they know i am in pain. I did have a great female nurse too that I do have to mention. Seriously, do nurses know how important they are? It so makes all the difference in the world.
Even though this has been tough and I still have a ways to go I get extremely giddy seeing two little blips starting to grow on my chest. They don't much matter when you are fighting for your life but after, they kind of do.
My relationship with God is starting to heal. I am letting go of some of the anger I have carried for so long, starting way before my daughters illness. I had been angry with him for a lot of reasons but this wasn't one of them. I have always hated when people put the positive spin on cancer and all the life's lessons you learn. I still hate it. Cancer sucks and I just refuse to give it any positive accolades in any way, shape or form. It's a tough one to reconcile, but at least I feel like I may actually have the big guy upstairs rooting for me!
Love ya kiddo.
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