Sitting in the waiting room trying not to cry. We just found out my quest for a chest is once again possibly delayed. It's been awhile so let me fill you in with a little back story....
I didn't write about it as it was happening because frankly I was sick of talking about my ordeal and therefor assumed everyone must be sick of hearing about it. Plus, I have a friend going through this journey and I knew she would be reading my blog. The last thing I wanted to do was scare the crap out of her.
My surgery to put in the expanders that would slowly stretch my muscles and skin to accommodate implants was rough. I was in the hospital for three nights throwing up and passing out. I had just had major surgery on my chest, where they cut my muscles and sewed in extra tissue to hold the expanders in. As much as I hate to have you think about hurling, just think of how many chest muscles you use during the act of upchucking. It was quite possibly the most painful experience of my life!
Once I recovered from surgery it was time to start expanding. How this works is that every few weeks you go in to the doctor and they stick a large needle into a built in port in each expander to fill them with saline. Not as bad as it sounds, unless of course you are me and the doctor nicks a nerve putting the needle in. Which in turn caused me to heavily drool as I passed out in the chair. At this point, since I was looking like a problem child (what's new), my doctors at Mayo decided they wanted to do all the expansions. (I had originally planned on going to Fargo each time for fills. This would have meant a 45 minute drive instead of a 5 hour drive). But alas, off we went back to Rochester. And since I was so sick of being in Rochester I insisted on driving there and back in one day. 10 hours of driving, which we later found out is a no-no and most likely contributed to the next paragraph.
To say my body hated this expansion process in an understatement. Have you every had a charlie horse in your leg? Well, that was what was happening in my chest. With no warning it would hit and knock the wind out of me and immediately fill my eyes with tears. It would leave me unable to move until it subsided. It got so bad that it landed me in the ER. Eventually it made me so scared to do any activities for fear it would trigger another cramp. Around this same time I developed small patches of red rashes on my neck, hairline and eyelids. They would come and go and my doctors didn't think anything of it and prescribed some ointment. (This is important later in the story).
Eventually due to these issues the doctors decided that they would have to stop the fills for the expansion process. Therefore crushing my dreams of Dolly Partons. And again Mr. Eckhoff was delivered the hard news that he would not be able to choose the size. I had to try and be happy that I would eventually end up with some nice looking B cups. In hind-site, it's a heck of a lot better than the craters that were there after my double mastectomy, but at the time I was in no mood for positive reflection. The cramps eventually faded and I actually enjoyed my summer. Scratch that, I rocked my summer! I could fill pages and pages of everything we crammed in to our summer and by the time we left Friday for my pre-op I really was grateful and feeling extremely blessed.
Flash forward to now...Remember that little rash no one thought much of? Turns out this is now very worrisome. It has never really gone away and it decided to really make a showing at my appointment. The doctors are very concered my body is trying to tell them SOMETHING. There will be no surgery until we find out what is going on. In light of all of the issues I have had during the expansion process they are worried that my body is still not accepting these foreign objects. If that is the case it could mean no Boobs, which I hate to say would be devastating to me. Now those B-Cups sure don't sound so bad! The docors are setting up more appointments to run tests and to biopsy my skin. This rash could be something altogether not related to my expanders, but then it still leaves them with the worry of what is my body saying? With my history they are not taking any chances. Understandable but frustrating to say the least.
So for now, I don't want to come across shallow and come right out and ask for prayer that I am able to eventually have my boob job.... BUT ....I guess when it comes right down to it that IS EXACTLY what I am asking.
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