2% Family

Follow up visit at Mayo. All was going well until the doctor used the dreaded 98%. This is how it went down.

We were able to schedule my daughter's follow up visit for the same day as mine. I asked them if they would consider a family discount but no go. So, somehow I mixed up my appointment time and I missed my first appointment. At first they were rather huffy and made sure I knew how much of an inconvenience this was for them. I was able to finagle a little sympathy once I explained my daughter was four floors above me at this very moment with her appointment.

Once inside the exam room things start to calm down. The doctor and her nurse were in an especially good mood. I like to think they had been looking forward to seeing me all week and extremely happy I was able to make it after all. The doctor is delighted to reaffirm that I will not need chemo. Her exact words were "Although we can't 100% guarantee that cancer cells did not travel to other parts of your body we are 98% sure that we got everything during surgery."  Is the 98% quote something they teach these doctors in medical school?

I burst into tears and she thinks it is because of her good news. When it becomes clear that I am devastated she is very confused. Doesn't she know that we are the 2% family? Doesn't she understand that if there is a 2% chance that there are rogue cancer cells running wild in my body that I am doomed?  When you hear those disclaimers where they talk super fast at the end of the commercial - that's us. The ones who get loose stool, unexpected weight gain, can't move and other every other serious side affect. When I got my mammogram he said 98% sure it was nothing. This is definitely not good.

I suggest maybe we should do Chemo just to be 100% sure. In the history of her career she has never had anyone who has just been given a 98% cancer free bill of health ask for Chemo. I am told the likelihood of cancer cells bypassing my lymph nodes and traveling elsewhere is slim.  However, they can't say for sure.  I just know it is taking her everything she's got to not to use the 98% phrase again when trying to calm me down.

If we could just get our family down to 1%. If I could somehow just shave 1% off my unlikely odds it would mean lottery winner instead of cancer survivor!