Giant Turd

Sitting in the hotel room while everyone is downstairs at the waterpark. I am nervous. It will be my first outing in the new waterproof boobs. Can i really go down the slides with my children? What if one comes flying out and hits a kid as I get slammed around the giant whirlpool slide? I am having severe anxiety. In my minds eye I see the angry parents holding my boob and turning it over to authorities as evidence. There will be a large trial with the nation divided...see how my anxiety manifests?

Or I picture walking into the waterpark and everyone and everything coming to a complete standstill. There will be a collective gasp as I take off the towel. All eyes are on me and everyone will know they are fake because one is down by my belly and the other has slid to my back.

Ok, enough with the dramatics, but I am still nervous and having a tough time building the courage to feel so exposed. It's one thing to wear the fakes under layers of clothes but quite another to wear them with a swimsuit. I did try to find a suit I could wear just flat chested but it is next to impossible. They either don't have enough fabric to cover my scars or there is way too much fabric where there should be breasts. I think I am going to design swimsuits that do not hold us hostage.

Well, enough stalling it's go time for me and my boobs. Wish me luck because I have just been informed that one of the slides swirls around and flushes you down just like a giant toilet. Great, just what I need. As if I wasn't feeling like a giant turd already. Bravo God, you just keep the laughs coming!